For International Men’s Day, Stephen Wilson, ADHD assessor at Skylight Psychiatry, shares why he thinks so many men go undiagnosed, from his work as an assessor and his own experience.
Stephen Wilson, ADHD Assessor at Skylight Psychiatry, looks at masking, generational attitudes and why we’re only now starting to recognise what was always there.
I rarely tell people outside work about my ADHD diagnosis. When I do, I usually get the same reply: “You can’t be, you’ve got a full-time job.”
That reply says a lot about why ADHD and autism are missed in men. As adults, there’s pressure to fit in, so many of us learn to mask. We hide the things that make us different and find ways to cope, often without realising we’re doing it. Over time, that can spread into every part of life.
Looking back, the signs were there for me. I was never into football, which people found strange. I found social situations hard, and after a while people stopped inviting me out. If I explained my diagnosis to people, I knew back then, I think most would say, “That makes sense.”
I spent 18 years as a police officer. During that time, I was diagnosed with PTSD and had a physical injury, but nobody looked any further. Autism and ADHD just weren’t talked about in that job, and I suspect it was the same in most workplaces. Even if I had been diagnosed then, I think I would have kept masking, because of how it might have changed the way people saw me.
Age plays a big part too. Many men grew up when their parents had never heard of ADHD or autism. Younger men are more likely to talk about it now, but some still see it as “the alphabet disease”.
My dad is 87. He says nobody in his family had it, so he has no idea where it came from. I’m not so sure. When I assess someone, I always ask about their parents, and I often hear the same thing: “I think my dad has it, but he doesn’t believe in it.”
So why is it missed? I think it’s mainly a lack of understanding, along with the belief that ADHD and autism are something new.
I often explain it like this. Before 1963, if you saw a blue box with “POLICE” written on it, you’d think it was a police box. Now, most people would call it the TARDIS. It’s the same box, but we see it differently, and when you open the doors there’s a lot more inside than you expected.
ADHD and autism in adults are much the same. They were always there. We’re only now starting to recognise them.
If this sounds familiar
If you recognise yourself, your partner or your dad in any of this, you can read more about ADHD in men and how our assessments work.